Tami and I have been married for over 32 years and we dated for 4 years before that. Additionally, Tami is a licensed marriage counselor and we have worked with many, many couples together over the years. Add to this the fact that I work in the neurology field and you will agree that together Tami and I have a pretty good grasp on both the psychology and science of relationships. Further, we love to share what we have learned with others just like you.
We all know that the early stages of love brings us so much joy. Truth be told, there is a chemical cocktail of oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine flowing through our brains that helps make this new lover’s euphoria so darn enjoyable. The bad news is that this new stage of love (we will call this romantic love) can last no more than two years. Our brains simply cannot produce and process a sustained amount of this lover’s cocktail for any longer than that.
Whenever I bring bad news, I will follow it with good news. Do you want to know what the good news is? Here it is: There is mature love waiting on the other side of romantic love if you know how to make the transition.
Think about your life over the next 5, 10, or even 20 years. Can you see yourself still courting each other exactly the way you do now? Do you think you can be this consumed with romantic love forever and actually accomplish anything else in your life like raising a family or advancing in your career? Or even having a full-time job? Not likely.
While mature love does not include the high levels of the aforementioned drugs, it does include something far better: safety and security. Once we realize that we won’t always FEEL the same as those first two years, it opens up the possibility for so much more. A solid, safe, and secure relationship is so much better for your overall well-being than the fast pace of romantic love.
Here is the question that you all want to ask at this point: Is there still romance in a relationship that has transitioned to mature love? I can tell you from personal experience, YES THERE IS. The romance in mature love is both different and better. If Tami and I were given the choice to snub our noses at mature love and go back to romantic love, we would turn it down in a heartbeat!
Don’t settle for someone you can live with, hold out for the person you can’t live without. Enjoy every minute of those first 18-24 months of bliss. Then, start to make the transition to mature love. Settle in for the long haul. Embrace the safety and security of getting to know another human completely. This will be a lifelong journey and you will learn to love every minute of it!
If you have any comments or questions about this post, we would love to hear from you in the comments below.
By Brad & Tami Miller. Contact us at brad@TandemMarriage.com. Copyright © 2017
Link to: https://tandemmarriage.com/romance