Tami and I love to cook together. After a busy week of helping other couples navigate their marital challenges as well as managing a growing business, we love the idea of getting into another space in our heads and hearts. You see, it is all too easy for the two of us to only talk about running a business together because that is what we do the majority of the time. These conversations about work come to us easily because we are deeply immersed in running a business all week long. Tami and I talk with couples like you often about what it takes to be intentional in marriage. In this article, we hope to give you some very fun and very practical ideas about how this kind of intentionality will work for you too.

When Tami and I choose to cook together, we are adding additional flavor to our weekly routine. In a given week, if we only talk about our work together, our relationship might start to feel like the same old leftover casserole every day of the week. Don't get me wrong, I love me a good casserole as much as anyone, but the same casserole night after night would leave both Tami and I wanting more: more flavor, more variety, more of anything except casserole!

So we cook together; not because our secret ambition is to perfect a recipe (although we do make the most amazing cedar-plank salmon we have ever tasted), or to open a restaurant someday. There are already many amazing restaurants where we live and we don't feel the need to compete with them. No! We cook together to add variety and connection to our relationship. We cook together to add different flavors to our tendency to focus solely on business and work. We cook together because it allows time and space for different conversations, deeper connection, and laughter together.

"We cook together to add variety and connection to our relationship."

After five or ten years of marriage, most spouses start to feel the effects of their marital casserole as it becomes routine, mundane, and seemingly flavorless. This is why you need to be intentional to start incorporating some spice into your relationship. When Tami and I talk about adding spice, we are not referring to anything kinky, or weird, or even sexual. Just like any good spice in the kitchen, we are talking about adding flavor to your marriage. For example, about ten years ago, we discovered a spice called smoked paprika. This stuff is amazing in the right foods. Smoked paprika will add a dash of smoky goodness to Mediterranean foods, guacamole, and even eggs. It adds flavor and variety to our palates, and it adds flavor and variety to our day. Nonetheless, if we used smoked paprika on everything we ate, it would start to lose its flavor. Or to be more accurate, Tami and I would begin to lose our ability to appreciate the variety and uniqueness in all of the different flavors of foods we currently enjoy. This is why we cook with other spices too. Don't even get us started on homemade SPG Seasoning Salt! Shoutout to Kent and CherylAnn for getting us hooked on theirs. You can get hooked too by ordering yours on their website.

Order your own homemade seasonings

Everyone needs some variety in their daily and weekly routines. If your marriage is starting to feel more like a business arrangement than a nightly slumber party with your best friend, it's time for you to make a few intentional changes to your marriage.

So here is our recipe for your marriage and ours too:

  1. Be intentional (great marriages rarely happen by accident)
  2. Try cooking together. Take turns being head chef and sous chef!
  3. Add some spices (think of spice as adding flavor to your relationship too) that you haven't tried before
  4. Try other spices from time to time (figuratively like planning a picnic, going to see a play together, riding bikes, etc.) and literally. Chinese five spice is another favorite of ours.

Enjoy every moment you cook together!

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

1. Have you ever tried cooking together? What worked out well and what could be better?

2. Do you have any control over your own enjoyment of cooking together?

3. Does your marriage ever feel like the same old casserole? When this happens, what are your strategies to spice things up? Do the two of you talk/collaborate together about this?

4. It there anything you could do, or not do, that would create an inviting space for your spouse to join you in the kitchen for a time of cooking, fun, and maybe even dancing?

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Do you love to cook together too or would you like to try it but don't know where or how to start? We'd love to hear about the two of you and help in any way we can.

If you have any comments or questions about this post, we would love to hear from you by using the contact link in the footer below.

By Brad & Tami Miller. Copyright © 2018

Link to: https://TandemMarriage.com/spice