There is so much wrong with this line of thinking. We are not saying there is something wrong with you, by the way, since this kind of thinking is so pervasive in our culture. This unhealthy logic will affect us all. So then, the job falls to us to teach you why this mindset is so flawed.
This flawed thinking is based on the notion that there is one, and only one, perfect person for you on this planet. Only one! Remember that there are approximately 7.5 billion people on the planet. This “finding a needle in a haystack” kind of mentality tricks us into believing that when, not if, something feels wrong in our marriage, we must have chosen poorly. We must have chosen the wrong one.
This line of thinking is romanticized to a fault. Don’t get me wrong since I would consider myself a hopeless romantic. But when we love the idea of something that is not true and cannot be true, we leave the door open for doubt and lies to invade our current relationship. There will come a time when you are struggling in your marriage because it happens in every marriage. Wondering if you made a mistake by not waiting for “the one” will only make matters worse. Much worse.
Think about this. What if “the one” lives in another country? How will you find them? What if they speak another language? How will you communicate with them? And what if they mistakenly married the wrong person (they didn’t wait for you)? Now what?!
I often read or hear statements from others that clearly communicate their own, and different, opinions on this matter. They say things such as; “If only I had waited for the right one, then I wouldn’t be in this situation.” Or, “When you are with that one person you are supposed to be with, you will know it without a doubt.” Then, there is this one, “Because I am waiting for my true soulmate, we will never have issues like that couple.”
Do you see the subtle thinking here that there is only one person who is the perfect match for a lifetime of marital bliss? By the way, many of the people I have known who espouse this mentality of “the one” are either divorced or very unhappy. Think about that.
Therefore, what is the better way to think about finding and marrying the best person for you that does not feel like trying to find one needle in a huge haystack? Here you go.
You should be looking for a lifelong partner that is full of character, high morals, and wisdom because these are the kinds of traits you can build a lifelong relationship around. Get to know this person and become friends. If friendship confirms their character, then start dating them and fall in love with them. Once you choose to marry that person, YOU must then become the person you want to be married to. In other words, you must do your best to become a person full of character, high morals, and wisdom. Once you focus on becoming the right person, you will stop wondering if you married the right person.
If you have any comments or questions about this post, we would love to hear from you in the comments below.
By Brad & Tami Miller. Contact us at brad@TandemMarriage.com. Copyright © 2017