Loving someone completely and consistently is difficult. We are selfish and flawed individuals who are fickle in more ways than we tend to admit. So, how do we continue to love our spouses wholeheartedly when we are so flawed and fickle? I have a few ideas for you that have served me well. I hope they serve you well, as well!
Become a student of your spouse
Becoming a student of your spouse is more than just a clever catchphrase, it is a process that we have to fully understand and be deliberate to put into action. Tami and I talk often about being intentional and this is a great example of where intentionality is required. Think about classes you have had when you made a deliberate effort to do well. You will read through the entire class syllabus to see what is expected of you. You will understand how your final grade is calculated as well as what counts toward your grade and what doesn't. And you will do your best to understand how your teacher/professor thinks, grades, and interacts. Knowing this and excelling in these areas will cause you to get rewarded with a good grade.
Study the syllabus
Remember when you were dating, all of the little things you learned about each other? What is their favorite color? What kinds of music do they like and dislike? Whether they like long walks or short ones or no walks at all? Do they like to hold hands with fingers intertwined, not intertwined, or even no hand holding? These are all preferences of your spouse that cause them to feel loved when you remember them and plan accordingly. For example, if you are driving in the car to go on a date, be intentional to play music your spouse likes or strike up a conversation about things that are important to them. If you are buying a car, you could even say something like, "I know your favorite color is blue, but I was hoping you wouldn't mind getting a white car since it will stay much cooler in the summer." In doing this, you just acknowledged that your spouse matters enough to you that you have not overlooked them in the details. This is studying the syllabus.
Understand how the grades are calculated
The best way to know how the "grades are calculated" is to know your spouse's love language. This is so vitally important. For example, you may show love by giving gifts to your spouse, but if receiving gifts are not important to them, it will not translate into them feeling loved. We will recommend once again the excellent book by Dr. Gary Chapman below. At the very least, please be sure that both you and your spouse take the free online love language assessment over at http://www.5lovelanguages.com. This will help you to understand how the "grades are calculated" for your spouse and how to get the highest grade you can!
Know how your professor thinks
Does your spouse love it when you help around the house? Then help around the house more as a way to show your love to them. Does your spouse love long, deep conversations that make you uncomfortable? Then press into your discomfort as a way to show your love to your spouse. The more you know about how your professor thinks, then better off you will be when it comes to meeting some of their needs.
Putting it all together
Becoming a student is like deciding to apprentice under someone. To know how they think and why. And then to do everything you can to honor, love, and serve the person who you apprentice under. If you can become this kind of student, your spouse will be very happy (and lucky to have you) and so will you. You can do this, we can help. Let us know where you have questions and concerns in the comments below. We will respond to every single one! You can be a better student of your spouse, just make the decision to start trying and web ready to watch your grades improve!
5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman
The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman is a great way to start becoming a better student of your spouse. You can find it on Amazon here: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts - http://amzn.to/1TFjDWs
Falling in love is easy. Staying in love—that’s the challenge! How can you keep your relationship fresh and growing amid the demands, conflicts, and just plain boredom of everyday life? In the #1 New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages, you’ll discover the secret that has transformed millions of relationships worldwide.
As always, we would love to hear your thoughts on this subject or how this has been helpful to you.
Link to: https://tandemmarriage.com/student
By Brad & Tami Miller. Contact us at brad@TandemMarriage.com. Copyright © 2016