At one time or another, most married couples will ask the question, “Is our marriage normal?” This is a difficult question to answer since it depends on your definition of normal. We would suggest that a better question to ask would be, “Is my marriage healthy?”
So, what does healthy mean when we are talking about marriage? A healthy marriage is one where both spouses contribute to the relationship, love and appreciate each other as well as maintain good boundaries that would all but eliminate most codependencies. Even a healthy marriage will have issues that both spouses work hard at to overcome. Some issues can be overcome and some can merely kept in-check, this is beacause the individuals entering into a marriage relationship are flawed themselves. Furthermore, a marriage can only be as healthy as the least healthy of the two spouses. Let that last sentence sink in for a moment.
Here are some questions (not an exhaustive list) to ask that will point you in the right direction toward a healthy marriage:
- Do you regularly work on yourself, work toward trying to be a better person?
- Do you ask your spouse for insights about you that you might not see yourself?
- Do you think your spouse feels safe giving you an honest answer?
- Do you regularly tell your spouse how you feel about him/her?
- If you or your spouse thought you needed outside help (counseling, friends, etc.) would you both be okay with that?
- When was the last time you took some kind of personality test to learn more about yourself?
- When was the last time you read a self-help book?
- When was the last time you went to a marriage conference, seminar, or retreat?
- Do you have mentors in your life that help you to keep your marriage on track?
So, is your marriage healthy? We sure hope so. Can your marriage be healthier than it currently is? Probably!
We wrote a book called Ready to Surrender to help married couples get back on track toward a healthier relationship. If you feel like your ability to communicate in a healthy way has drifted off track, this book will help. You can read more about Ready to Surrender here:
If you have any comments or questions about this post, we would love to hear from you in the comments below.
By Brad & Tami Miller. Contact us at brad@TandemMarriage.com. Copyright © 2019