I thought about titling this article, The Marriage Lessons I Learned From 100 Pillows. Does that sound intriguing? I sure hope so, because this article certainly is!
Entering into marriage, each one of us has our own preferences, peculiarities, likes, and dislikes. This means that your preferences and those of your spouse will most likely be different—sometimes very different. Learning how to respond to the uniqueness of your spouse can make the difference between being happy or being very frustrated in your marriage.
Allow me to give you an example. Tami likes pillows. They provide her with a way to "redecorate" for different seasons just by changing out some of our home's accessories. Pillows make Tami very happy. She has lots of pillows. As close as I can estimate, between our home and our counseling office, she has acquired well over 100 decorative pillows. This includes seasonal pillows as well.
For many years, this behavior seemed quite peculiar to me. Trust me, I have my own issues, but pillows? Really?! I have collected tools that I don't use (but these do have a function if I need them!) or watches (everyone needs to know the correct time, after all), and loads of other stuff in the garage. But never pillows.
There were times when I would tease Tami about her pillows. Sofas are for sitting and beds are for sleeping, but when you can do neither BECAUSE OF ALL THE PILLOWS IN THE WAY, it can feel like it's cramping your lifestyle a bit – or a lot! Other times, I complained about the storage of the seasonal pillows and having to lug them up into the attic until the next year. And then lug them back down again when the correct season approached. And still other times, I simply had an attitude about those pillows. I am not proud of this now and saying this out loud makes me feel like a jerk, but I did it nonetheless.
Then one day (one of my better days, for sure), I had an epiphany where I realized for the first time how much joy all of this pillow redecorating brought to Tami. Once I stopped giving her a hard time, this epiphany had room to weasel into my consciousness. Why would I NOT want her to be this happy? Are these pillows truly that much of an inconvenience for me? Not really. What would it look like if I stopped giving her a hard time and started to love who she is as well as the flavor and variety she adds to my life and our home? What is my problem? SHEESH!
"Then one day (one of my better days, for sure), I had an epiphany where I realized for the first time how much joy all of this pillow redecorating brought to Tami."
Sometimes Tami is right. There, I said it—in print! All of these pillows create a certain warmth in our home. They add charm and distinctiveness. Our daughters love these pillows and so do most of our friends, but most importantly they make Tami so very happy. I have realized in so many ways that my love for Tami and my support for her are more important than my preferences–whether I would but all these pillows or not. Besides, my preferences rarely add as much charm to our home as some nice pillows do. Many have heard me say, “If it’s important to Tami, It had better be important to me too!” Learning to appreciate her pillows was my chance to prove it.
“If it’s important to Tami, It had better be important to me too!”
If doing these things and thinking in this way helps MY marriage to thrive (and it does), why walnut I do them? Not a single hour of life spent in a thriving marriage is ever wasted!
Lastly, I recently heard the song Thank God I Got Her by Jonny Diaz from the album Let It Fly. This is a great song that illustrates this point perfectly and wraps it up in all the beauty that God intended. Here are the lyrics to that song. Give it a listen.
Nine — She's got nine fancy pillows on our bed
And we've got towels she won't let anyone get wet
No, I don't get her
Cry — She always cries at happy endings on TV
She even cries at some commercials in between
No, I don't get her
She's about as clear to me as a mystery
She's got a closet full of nothing to wear
So many shoes she needs another pair
When she gets to talkin',
Lord, you just can't stop her
She's everything I didn't know I needed
The perfect fit, the missing piece
I might not get her
But thank God I got her
Fine — When she says that she's just fine
That's when she's not
And she's still right
When we both know she's dead wrong
No, I don't get her
But I smile cause I can see
forever in those big brown eyes
You know she could've had 1,000,000 other guys
Somehow I got her
She's got a closet full of nothing to wear
So many shoes she needs another pair
When she gets to talkin',
Lord, you just can't stop her
She's everything I didn't know I needed
The perfect fit, the missing piece
I might not get her
But thank God I got her
Even when I don't understand
Thank God I got her
I know she's making me a better man
She's got a way of changing everything
with just her touch and just her kiss
And I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost her
She's everything I didn't know I needed
The perfect fit, the missing piece
I might not get her
But you know I want her
I might not get her
But thank God I got her
But thank God I got her
Nine – She's got nine fancy pillows on our bed
But thank God I got her
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
1. Name one or two preferences you and you spouse have that are different?
2. Do these different preferences cause problems for either of you?
3. Are there ways in which you could act differently that would hep your marriage instead of hurt it?
4. Who likes pillows more, you or your spouse?
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By Brad & Tami Miller. Contact us at brad@TandemMarriage.com. Copyright © 2019
Link to: https://tandemmarriage.com/post/pillows
