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You and your spouse will experience more conflict than you need to.
Many of you will say that you and your spouse simply need help with "communication."
We are talking about the same thing since poor communication LEADS to conflict!
But, there are proven ways to communicate better and de-escalate any conflict.
Do you know what they are?
Unresolved conflict is a huge waste of time. In fact, it feels like a huge waste of LIFE!
Every couple who has been married a year of more knows the anguish of a conflict that has escalated out of control. It started out as something so simple, but before you know it, things went way off track. In fact, most of you have had the same fight over and over and that's what makes it so tragic. And unless you do something to change your course, you're destined to continue to fight.
In fact, did you know…
How does this happen? Well, it happens in very small incremental shifts away from marital happiness. And do you know what the primary cause of marital dissatisfaction is? Unresolved conflict!
Every couple who has been married a year of more knows the anguish of a conflict that has escalated out of control. It started out as something so simple, but before you know it, things went way off track. In fact, most of you have had the same fight over and over and that's what makes it so tragic. And unless you do something to change your course, you're destined to continue to fight.
In fact, did you know…
“As many as 65 percent of men and 55 percent of women will have an extramarital affair by the time they are 40,” according to the Journal of Psychology and Christianity.
How does this happen? Well, it happens in very small incremental shifts away from marital happiness. And do you know what the primary cause of marital dissatisfaction is? Unresolved conflict!
We are Brad and Tami Miller and this is why we wrote Ready to Surrender - Learning to Resolve Marriage Conflict Before it Kills You.
(Read more about the authors here)
Our book will teach you our time-tested tips to help you in three areas:
What to do before a conflict (Learning to manage triggers that get you into a conflict)
What to do during a conflict (Learning to de-escalate and to manage your emotions and fears)
What to do after a conflict (Learning how to grow and do better next time)
There is also a section called:
Guiding Principles for a Better Marriage
These are concise chunks of marriage goodness. They are what we call "nuggets of relational wisdom." This section gives you many "no-fluff" thoughts about what can make your marriage better today!
Ask yourself how much it's worth to recover a wasted hour of your life. How about 2 hours? How about 10 hours or more?
We are convinced that our new book will help you to do just that, save years of your life that would otherwise be wasted disagreeing, arguing, and fighting. And this is also time that you would have spent being miserably unhappy.
(Read more about the authors here)
Our book will teach you our time-tested tips to help you in three areas:
What to do before a conflict (Learning to manage triggers that get you into a conflict)
What to do during a conflict (Learning to de-escalate and to manage your emotions and fears)
What to do after a conflict (Learning how to grow and do better next time)
There is also a section called:
Guiding Principles for a Better Marriage
These are concise chunks of marriage goodness. They are what we call "nuggets of relational wisdom." This section gives you many "no-fluff" thoughts about what can make your marriage better today!
Ask yourself how much it's worth to recover a wasted hour of your life. How about 2 hours? How about 10 hours or more?
We are convinced that our new book will help you to do just that, save years of your life that would otherwise be wasted disagreeing, arguing, and fighting. And this is also time that you would have spent being miserably unhappy.
You and your spouse think differently, and that’s ok.
We all assume that everyone else on the planet should think like we do. We are right, after all. Right? Actually, no, you are not right. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you that. You do have your very own perspective on life and so does your spouse. Are you ready for a funny story to illustrate this point? Well, here you go.
Tami and I got married on April 20, 1985. This was well over 30 years ago. Cool, right?! Almost 1 month before we got married, we closed escrow on a 950 square foot home that we bought together. Even though we chose not to live together until after the wedding, we did enjoy setting up our home together during that time. Tami and I would meet at our house after work and clean things up, hang shelves, set up our kitchen, and more. It was so fun and felt like all of our dreams together for our future were coming together one home project at a time.
One particular night, we were working in our kitchen. It was very small, so planning out where everything needed to go seemed pretty important. I was lining the cabinets to the right of the stove while Tami was on a step-stool lining some shelves above the counter.
After I finished with the cabinet I was working on, I started to move the few pots and pans we already owned into that cabinet. Tami looked down at my progress and said, “What are you doing?” I answered plainly, “I’m putting the pots and pans away.” “They don’t go there!” she said.
As she came down off of the step-stool, she showed me where the pots and pans should go. Her idea of where they should go (on the left side of the stove) seemed very odd to me and my idea of where they should go seemed very odd to her. So who was was right? Of course, I was. And so was she. But in all honestly, neither of us was right. Make sense? Nope, not yet.
Here is what we discovered. In the house that Tami grew up in, the pots and pans were on the left side of the stove. Therefore, that seemed like the most convenient and obvious location to her. In the house I grew up in, the pots and pans were on the right side of the stove. This arrangement certainly made the most sense to me.
After we figured this all out and laughed a bit about it, we realized that this was simply a matter of perspective and preference, not right and wrong. And, we figured out this little jewel of insight before we were even married. Wow! The fact that we all have individual perspectives and preferences is a very important thing to remind yourself of. This issue of preference will come up again later in this book and it will certainly come up in your marriage many times.
So, this is a very simple example, but the point remains that most of what you and your spouse will argue about will not be matters of right and wrong (or matters of inherent morality), but differences of perspective and opinion. In Fact, more than 90% of what most couples argue about is over matters of preference. Once you realize that, you will also realize that you don’t have to fight so hard for things that are only a matter of your own preference. Our opinions are great and add flavor to our lives, but are they really worth fighting over? We don’t think so.
We all assume that everyone else on the planet should think like we do. We are right, after all. Right? Actually, no, you are not right. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you that. You do have your very own perspective on life and so does your spouse. Are you ready for a funny story to illustrate this point? Well, here you go.
Tami and I got married on April 20, 1985. This was well over 30 years ago. Cool, right?! Almost 1 month before we got married, we closed escrow on a 950 square foot home that we bought together. Even though we chose not to live together until after the wedding, we did enjoy setting up our home together during that time. Tami and I would meet at our house after work and clean things up, hang shelves, set up our kitchen, and more. It was so fun and felt like all of our dreams together for our future were coming together one home project at a time.
One particular night, we were working in our kitchen. It was very small, so planning out where everything needed to go seemed pretty important. I was lining the cabinets to the right of the stove while Tami was on a step-stool lining some shelves above the counter.
After I finished with the cabinet I was working on, I started to move the few pots and pans we already owned into that cabinet. Tami looked down at my progress and said, “What are you doing?” I answered plainly, “I’m putting the pots and pans away.” “They don’t go there!” she said.
As she came down off of the step-stool, she showed me where the pots and pans should go. Her idea of where they should go (on the left side of the stove) seemed very odd to me and my idea of where they should go seemed very odd to her. So who was was right? Of course, I was. And so was she. But in all honestly, neither of us was right. Make sense? Nope, not yet.
Here is what we discovered. In the house that Tami grew up in, the pots and pans were on the left side of the stove. Therefore, that seemed like the most convenient and obvious location to her. In the house I grew up in, the pots and pans were on the right side of the stove. This arrangement certainly made the most sense to me.
After we figured this all out and laughed a bit about it, we realized that this was simply a matter of perspective and preference, not right and wrong. And, we figured out this little jewel of insight before we were even married. Wow! The fact that we all have individual perspectives and preferences is a very important thing to remind yourself of. This issue of preference will come up again later in this book and it will certainly come up in your marriage many times.
So, this is a very simple example, but the point remains that most of what you and your spouse will argue about will not be matters of right and wrong (or matters of inherent morality), but differences of perspective and opinion. In Fact, more than 90% of what most couples argue about is over matters of preference. Once you realize that, you will also realize that you don’t have to fight so hard for things that are only a matter of your own preference. Our opinions are great and add flavor to our lives, but are they really worth fighting over? We don’t think so.
You can learn to de-escalate conflict.
This means quicker conflict resolution and happier you.
We have added some important extras to insure your success.
We dreamt-up and designed what we believe to be the first ever Conflict De-Escatiaon Flow chart. We wanted you to be able to see clearly what it would look like to move a conflict toward resolution instead of ramping up and away from it.
So we combined our own research and time-tested techniques into this drop-dead simple flowchart that will help you take any conflict and ratchet things down, instead of up for a change.
This flowchart will help you to take the information in our Ready to Surrender book to the next level. Once you read section two in the book, then see it laid out like we have here, you will be blown away.
In the same way that compromise (meeting somewhere in the middle) is always a good idea for couples, de-escalating an argument should always be your goal during a conflict. Seek to bring things down a notch or two, not up. Nothing positive is accomplished once your conflict has reached a point of emotional damage, nothing.
You could just read all of the steps in the image to the left, write them down, and learn them. This would work. In fact, this would make us very happy because you would be seeing fewer conflicts in your marriage due to your efforts and ours combined.
But most of you would rather download a clean-looking version of our Conflict De-Escation Flowchart without the watermarks. You could have this on your phone for quick reference or on your tablet or computer where you can refer to it again and again.
And that is what we would like you to have as well.
We have taken the time and a keen eye to design this flowchart well. This makes it fun to refer to and easy to learn from.
We have never seen anything like it and we're pretty sure you haven't either. It also doesn't take long for most people to realize that a lot of time went into this De-Escation flowchart and some money too…
We dreamt-up and designed what we believe to be the first ever Conflict De-Escatiaon Flow chart. We wanted you to be able to see clearly what it would look like to move a conflict toward resolution instead of ramping up and away from it.
So we combined our own research and time-tested techniques into this drop-dead simple flowchart that will help you take any conflict and ratchet things down, instead of up for a change.
This flowchart will help you to take the information in our Ready to Surrender book to the next level. Once you read section two in the book, then see it laid out like we have here, you will be blown away.
In the same way that compromise (meeting somewhere in the middle) is always a good idea for couples, de-escalating an argument should always be your goal during a conflict. Seek to bring things down a notch or two, not up. Nothing positive is accomplished once your conflict has reached a point of emotional damage, nothing.
You could just read all of the steps in the image to the left, write them down, and learn them. This would work. In fact, this would make us very happy because you would be seeing fewer conflicts in your marriage due to your efforts and ours combined.
But most of you would rather download a clean-looking version of our Conflict De-Escation Flowchart without the watermarks. You could have this on your phone for quick reference or on your tablet or computer where you can refer to it again and again.
And that is what we would like you to have as well.
We have taken the time and a keen eye to design this flowchart well. This makes it fun to refer to and easy to learn from.
We have never seen anything like it and we're pretty sure you haven't either. It also doesn't take long for most people to realize that a lot of time went into this De-Escation flowchart and some money too…
But we are crazy about people having great marriages and we want you to have it.
That's why we are including it in the bundle for you.
Here is our guarantee to you:
If you purchase this book and after reading it do not agree that it will save you hours and hours of wasted time in conflict,
we will gladly refund your money.
All we ask is that you let us know within 60 days of purchase.
Email us with your name, the email that was used to purchase, and the price you paid.
Done!
Want to learn a bit more about the authors, Brad and Tami Miller?
Click here to read their story.
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