This is going to be difficult for you to hear, but it's true.

At some point lies will enter into your marriage and make things very difficult for you and your relationship.

And the lies we are talking about here are the lies that you will tell yourself about your spouse, yourself, and even about God. Please let us explain…

We all experience dark times where we have dark and untrue thoughts about ourselves, about our spouse, and even about God. These can be thoughts such as, "I am not worthy of love," or "My spouse hates me." Sometimes these thoughts can sound like, "God made a mistake when He created me because I am not worthy to be loved or even to be alive." These are very dark and destructive thoughts—wouldn't you agree? Have you ever had dark thoughts similar to these?

These kinds of thoughts are nearly always lies that are brought to mind during a dark time, and these lies need to be fought against with truth. Lies wreak of hopelessness, despair, and self-condemnation. Truth, on the other hand, is worthy of meditation and praise (Philippians 4:8). How do we fight these sinister lies? We fight lies with truth! This is how God teaches us to fight lies, with truth!

Sometime soon, when you are in a good headspace (relaxed, thinking clearly, at peace with your spouse), try to list about 10 good/positive things about you that are true, 10 things about your spouse that are true, and 10things about God that are true. These are truths that you will use to combat any lies in the future. If you have trouble knowing what is true about yourself, ask your spouse for insights. If you have trouble knowing what is true about your spouse, ask family members or friends for their insights. If you have trouble understanding what is true about God, ask a pastor or a trusted mentor in your life for help. 

Once you have at least a few things on these 3 lists, they are ready to use. Here's how to use them. The next time you are in a bad or dark place (down on yourself, a head full of negative messages about your spouse, etc.), pull out your list (hopefully close by, like on your phone), and remind yourself of what is actually true. Keep reminding yourself of what is true by repeating this several times per day. Remind yourself that you came up with the things on this list when you were thinking ing clearly.

SUMMARY:
We have all lied to ourself at one time or another. How do we fight back against lies that we tell ourselves? With truth!

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

1. What are some of the lies you have told yourself in the past? List them.

2. Do you tend to lie to yourself more about yourself or about others? Or both?

3. Read Ephesians 6:10-18. Should you expect lies in the future? Did God know that you would have to deal with lies? Did God provide an effective way to deal with lies?

4. Don't forget to work on your 3 lists of 10 things that are true!

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By Brad & Tami Miller. Contact us at brad@TandemMarriage.com. Copyright © 2026

Link to: https://tandemmarriage.com/post/10true