Every husband and every wife inherently knows that they need to figure out ways to work as a team, or maybe more importantly, how to be a team. Yet, every husband and every wife will struggle to be a team at one point or another.

Today, we are talking about BEING A TEAM IN MARRIAGE. This question was asked of us, "My spouse and I need help being teammates, and not being enemies. How can we do that?" What a great question! The truth is, things in your marriage will always be smoother when you learn to work as a team.

There is an African proverb that says… 

"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together!"

Wow, chew on that for a bit!

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT BEING A TEAM? 

There are themes of UNITY or teamwork in The Bible, but the Bible does not always use the word unity or team. Instead, we often see phrases like Jesus saying, "may they be one as we are one" when talking to His Father.

JOHN 17:20-23  “I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me. I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one. I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me."

This prayer of Jesus, is for "all who will ever believe" in him. Who does that include? Well, it includes all of US who believe in Jesus. That means 2000 years ago, Jesus was praying for me, and He was praying for you too.

Jesus tell us that He and the Father are one. Then Jesus prays that we (all believers) will join the Father and the Son in their oneness. Wait, what? Jesus desires that WE join the oneness that He shares with God, The Father. And when we do so, we become one with Jesus, the Father, AND all other believers who are one! We are one with each other by virtue of both being one with Jesus and the Father. If we seek to be one with Jesus and the Father, we will be one with other believers too. Do you see how important this is?

Also, the witnessing world will then believe that Jesus is the Messiah (the Savior sent by God) because of our unity.

The relationship (oneness) between Jesus and his father is the model for Christian unity! This is the model for teamwork in our marriages. How do we do this in a practical way?

Expecting each one of us (husband and wife) to have oneness with Christ so that we have oneness with each other seems like something that may take some time—like our entire marriage! Yep, that is true. It will take our entire marriage, but if we keep working at it, we will experience the goodness that God wants us to experience along the way. What can we do right now? Start acting like we are on the same team! How do TEAMMATES act? There are four ways.

1. COMMON GOALS

Common goals means not his way or her way, but our way! What are your goals for life? For Marriage? For raising kids? For retirement some day? What are your goals for how you spend your money each week and how you eat most days? These are all things that can/will cause conflict in your marriage. You need goals for these things, but you don't talk about them. You need to stop assuming that your spouse will read your mind and magically be on the same page as you. The best teams need common goals to be a team! 

2. RESPECT EACH OTHERS' DIFFERENCES

As husband and wife, you must learn to respect each others' differences, Did you know that the core of most couples' arguments are situations that expose their differences? If you are like us, you don't like those differences so you end up arguing because each of you are trying to convince the other that your idea, opinion, or choice is right! It is likely that your differences are what attracted you to each other AND what currently drives you bonkers about each other as well. Think about a few things that attracted you to your spouse. Do some of those same things drive you crazy today? Yep, us too.

3. COMPROMISE

Compromise, an uncomfortable word with a promise. Compromise is uncomfortable because nobody LOVES to compromise. Raise your hand if you LOVE compromise? Look, there is nobody rain their hand! The word is COM-PROMISE, so what is the promise? Once we learn that compromise and being a team in marriage is what's best for us, the "promise" is that we will enjoy the long-term benefits of compromise, more than we will feel the short-term work of compromise. Tami and I experience this each in every day in the ways that we need compromise to ensure success for us as a team AND also for the couples we work with? There are things we are good at, and things we aren't. This requires compromise and letting some things go! There are things that neither of us WANTS to do, but still need to get done. This requires compromise. And there are things we could do alone, but turn out so much better together. All of this REQUIRES compromise, so we can accomplish more together than we ever could on our own. 

4. ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT

I realize this might surprise you, but you can't be the only one right all the time. It is impossible. Think about it this way; why did you marry your spouse anyway? Probably because you liked the qualities in your spouse that you were missing in yourself. Maybe it is time to ask yourself, what did attract me to my spouse? Don't lose sight of that original attraction because that quality in your spouse is still there, even if you have not noticed that quality in a while. So, if you can't always be right, maybe it's time to invite your spouse to have a voice in your relationship once again. Bringing back this balance may be precisely what's been missing!

SUMMARY

Learning to act as if you are on the same team is easier said than done. But the benefits of doing so are both what God intended for your marriage AND the best way to enjoy your ride through life together! Lastly, this kind of unity points others around us to something/someone much bigger than us. This is what points people to Jesus.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

1. In John 17:20-23, Jesus repeats a few times HOW to become one and WHY we should become one. Please write those down in your own words/understanding because they will deeply inform how you see unity in your marriage

2. What are the current barriers for you to becoming more "one" with Jesus, and therefore, one with your spouse?

3. What are some practical ways in which you can work to become a better teammate with your spouse?

4. Does the current level of unity in your marriage need a tune-up, or does it need to be put on life-support? What do you have control over here?

---

If you have any comments or questions about this post, we would love to hear from you using our contact form, linked in the footer.

By Brad & Tami Miller. Contact us at brad@TandemMarriage.com. Copyright © 2025

Link to: https://tandemmarriage.com/post/team